Sunday, July 3, 2016

Crater

"Come over here and have a look!" - he insisted and tilted his head in the porthole's direction. She didn't move, just looked up annoyed. - "Come on, trust me, the view is worth it!"
She slowly scrambled to her feet and took a few faltering steps.
"You're a bit obsessed with this world, aren't you?"
"How amazing it is!" - he whispered, ignoring her nagging.
"I'd rather call it bizarre."
For a few seconds they got lost in the breath-taking view of the yellowish marble littered with various sizes and interesting shapes of darker brown, blue and green spots and patches, as it was swimming through star littered pitch black space majestically. It was a beautiful sight indeed, pretty much attractive and inviting.
"Its real charm lies with its history." - he hinted.
"You know much about it?"
"Well, whatever information I could look up, I did indeed, but I wouldn't call myself an expert."
"Have you ever been down there?" - and she nodded toward the marble. The thought somehow made her feel very uneasy, gave her goosebumps.
"Nah, I didn't have the courage."
"Fair enough. Is it inhabited?"
"It is. Rather weird creatures live down there! You don't want to meet them."
Silence fell on them as they got lost in the sight of the huge planet again. She broke it at last, curious:
"Tell me more about it!"
"Okay. What would you like to know?"
"Well, I don't know. What is it here that we can see now?"
"It's a continent. It's the biggest of all. The most inhabitants live on it. Of the weirdest creatures."
"What do you mean when you say they're weird?"
"Let me see how I could explain... I think I've got it! You'll see what I mean. Can you see that massive crater? South of the centre.."
"Yeah, I can see it."
"That was a massive range of mountains to begin with."
"What? You're kidding me!"
"It included the tallest peak on the planet."
"I don't believe a word you say."
"You can look up the information I'm giving you now in many sources. One of the creatures found out that a certain mineral in this mountain is beneficial for the creatures' bodies. They started using it, they ate it, bathed in it, etc. - in the end they used it for everything. And now you see where they got with it."
"You must be joking!"
"Which I am not. They had a special name for the mineral in their language. They called it 'Himalayan Salt'."

Sunday, October 27, 2013

FUME

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to announce and introduce to you the latest model of our novelty FUME product line. A versatile cleaning agent which is certainly not biologically degradable, so it can remain in the top soil for decades or even centu..."
"Sorry to interrupt you, sir. How did you say? What kinda product line?"
"FUME."
"Hewn?"
"No, FUME."
"Fuel?"
"No, no! FUME. Like fume."
"Ain't heard of it."
"Sure?"
"Sure."
"But everybody uses it..."
"I certainly don't."
"Of course you do. Perhaps you just don't know you do."
"Well, cleaning agents are up for my wife to buy..."
"You see? Does your wife buy a hell lot of brands?"
"Why, yes. Come to think of it..."
"Then you can be sure that you have some FUME products under your wash basin." 
"But I'm certain I haven't heard of this thing... Pretty strange name for cleaning agents!"
"It's not a name, it's initials."
"Really? What do they stand for?"
"Fuck - Up - Mother - Earth."

Friday, July 26, 2013

Positronic interpretations

"Without you I would die" - we heard the pop-star sing with utmost grief, from speakers deliberately set up all over the building, an effort of the builders so that you won't miss a note or even a word, should you even get lost in the maze. It's one thing to hear these ultimate masterpieces of the worst crap of the world and most senseless examples of stupidity while you spend your otherwise much more usefully spendable time with shopping - a necessary but unavoidable act of everyday life, - and another thing to have a robot with you, equipped with a brain made of positronic pathways, that act electronically like a complex set of switches wired together, to make the "positively charged electrons" flow this way or that - depending on the switches saying ON or OFF. My "friend" didn't in the least appear to be embarrassed in his shiny metallic countenance, however his words held a trace of confusion as he posed me the question. 
"Master, is it really the females of your race who keep the life functions active in the males or is this specimen stating something that cannot be classified as 'true'?"

Sunday, April 8, 2012

J-34

1. And behold, when the day of passover has come, Jesus and his twelve husbands disciples were found in the Garden of Getsemane.
2. And behold, this name hath no meaning whatsoever, unless we take it the Garden of Get-some-money. If so, then behold, our Lord hath gone there into the Garden to get some money. How he should have completed this mission, no word is left about it.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The pharaoh and the UFO

A needless foreword


I have read lots of parts of many novels (but couldn't read one through from beginning to end) which were supposed to fly the reader back to the summoned ancient Egypt and the circumstances and set up in the books were really far from reality. Instead - I am inclined to say - they became some weird fusion, a bizarre mixture of look-a-like Egyptian surroundings combined with twentieth century brain sickness infected with its post-christian duality and nineteenth century morals.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

How we met Jesus

It happened to be a sunlit April afternoon and we were just taking a walk, enjoying ourselves in the sunshine, listening to the birds singing and generally being happy with the world. We didn't even notice the almost invisible lad sharing the same side of the pavement with us, approaching, supposed to pass us by and be forgotten just like so many others in a faceless crowd.